Cheating

A couple was invited to a masked costume Halloween party.. The wife got a
terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a
devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some
aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by
not going. So he took his Batman costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain,
and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party. In as much as her
husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun
by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She put on a Goldilocks costume. So she joined the party and soon spotted her
husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he
could cuddle with and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His
wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new
partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he
wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After some more to drink he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear
and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie in the
back seat.

Just before unmasking , she slipped away and went home and put her costume
away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for
his outrageous behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he
had. 'Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not
there.' Then she asked, 'Did you dance much?' He replied, 'I'll tell you, I
never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some
other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.'

'You must have looked really silly wearing that Batman costume playing poker
all night!' she said with unashamed sarcasm.

To which the husband replied, 'Actually, I gave my Batman costume to your Dad.
Apparently he had a whale of a time. He told me he got lucky with a hottie in a
Goldilocks outfit'
Moral Of The Story.... Never Sneak Up On Your Man!

THE WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy man.    My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me....It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister!

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.' I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lord... and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!'

And the moral of this story is:  

Always keep your condoms in your car.

The ultimate blond joke!

A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on
vacation. 
She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst
 way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors
 were asking. 
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the
shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go
out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!"
 The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you
go on and give it a try?" 
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. 
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same
young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming
rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the
creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. 
Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up. The shopkeeper
stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggles mightily
and manages to flip the gator onto its back. 
Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration, 
"SHIT!........ THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"